“What exactly are we dealing with here?” Del asked at last.
There was a loaded, heavy pause on the other end of the line. Donald cleared his throat.
“We’re not sure,” Rob replied. “But it’s a very unique contagion that appears to be… um… somewhat… zombie-like.”
Del blinked. “Zombie-like?”
“Yes.”
“And you want to… to blow up the bridges between Washington and Oregon?” she asked incredulously. “Because of zombies?”
“I didn’t say they were zombies. I said the contagion is very zombie-like. There’s a difference. I was just trying to give you an example of what we’re dealing with.”
“Which is… zombies?”
“I didn’t say they were zombies.The CDC has no official stance on that matter and-” Rob said.
“But you have a page on your website about what to do in a zombie outbreak?” Del said.
“That’s just a preparedness website. More of a joke really-“ Rob said.
“You mean like this phone call?” Del retorted. “Come on you two, I don’t know what you’re trying to pull but I’m not falling for it. You’re not going to get me to authorize blowing those bridges, even as a joke.”
“This is not a joke, Del, I’m telling you this is real, and we have to blow those bridges,” Rob replied, his voice holding no doubt; Del could tell he was not going to budge.
“Okay, fine,” Del said. She leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. It was her stubborn pose, of which she was extraordinarily proud; she wished the others could see it. It was a beacon of intestinal fortitude. “Say I believe you. Which I don’t. But pretend I took a blow to the head and somehow became a complete blithering idiot that allowed the destruction of tax-payer funded mega-structures without any proof it’s necessary. Don’t you think it’s a little… hasty? I mean, this is day two. That seems like a sort of day three maneuver, don’t you think?” She had begun fidgeting with a Post-it note that had an unimportant phone number written on it.
“No, I don’t. This is the only way to be sure,” Rob said.
“Rob, be reasonable,” she said. “As soon as we heard about this we closed the bridges and put armed guards on them, just to be sure. Anything that tries to get over them will get bottlenecked and mowed down by our forces. That’s a day two strategy.” She paused for effect but got no response. “Besides, I like those bridges. And do you have any idea how many bureaucrats I would have to answer to if I allowed you to blow them up? I can already feel the headache coming on.”
“Do you know how many bureaucrats will be infected if you let them into your state?” Rob said, his voice rising.
Del sighed. They were taking this joke way too far, and she had better things to do. She knew something was going on and she’d taken the appropriate measures to ensure the safety of her state. What more could they ask of her? They were probably just rioting… all over two whole states… It was Canada all over again., lord .
“Donald, come on,” Del said, trying another tack. “How long have we worked together? Why are you doing this?”
“Don’t bring me into the middle of this,” Donald said. “Besides, you’re the one who’s always saying I have no sense of humor.”
As arguments went, it was pretty solid. In fact, it was the first argument that really seemed valid in this whole phone call. Still, Rob was doing all the talking and she knew that, for a guy who dealt with infectious diseases and politicians for a living, he had a damned wicked sense of humor.
“Until we know what’s going on for sure I just can’t authorize that, even if I thought it was for real.” She paused. “Which I don’t.”
After a few moments of silence, Rob said, “Donald, help me out here.”
Del almost laughed as she heard the unmistakable scraping sound of the receiver rubbing against Donald’s stubble when he shook his head. He never used a speaker phone, though she’d never bothered to ask why .
“Why do you guys keep trying to bring me in to this? No, Rob, I don’t think so. I know Del. She’s got her mind made up,” Donald said.
Rob groaned, annoyed . “Well, if you’re so sure it’s a day three thing, then how about we plan for another conference call tomorrow? We’ll see what you think then. You know, when you’re infected.”
Del shook her head. These guys never gave up! “Fine, tomorrow then?”
“I’m going to get those bridges, Del,” Rob said.
“Over my dead, zombiefied body, Rob,” she replied.